Visibility through connecting to the past

Practicing Ching Ming is a big deal for me, as someone who grew up not practicing a lot of traditional Chinese rituals that were deemed "idol worship" by the Church I grew up in. As I grew up, and started trying to reclaim more of my cultural identity, the Ching Ming festival became a way I could discover more of my past, and also connect with my ancestors in a real and meaningful way. As a queer person, my cultural practices are often erased or silenced from the mainstream queer community, and so holding onto these traditions, such as the Ching Ming festival, are deeply important to my desire for visibility.

Practicing the Ching Ming ritual this year, during the COVID-19 pandemic has even more significance. The rise in anti-Chinese xenophobia due to the COVID pandemic has seen an increase in scrutiny and surveillance of Asian communities here in Canada and around the world. I view holding onto our cultural practices, especially Ching Ming, as an act of resilience against the racist discourses that continue to be reinforced in our communities today.

My paternal grandmother was very dear to me.

I have been thinking about her a lot because I recently connected with her family in Indonesia, whom we had lost contact with. We have many family members in Indonesia that I've never met.

My grandmother used to live with us when I was in high school. Every single week she would remind us to conserve toilet paper: “one square for #1, 2 squares for #2” (they must have made toilet paper much stronger back in the day?!). Oh boy - if she was alive today and witnessed this pandemic toilet paper shortage situation, she would have said, “See I told you so. Stop wasting toilet paper”.

I miss her.

David Ng
Vancouver, CA